How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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