Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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