Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dicks are not precious.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
