dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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