I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
