I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
