I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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