Nicole vs. Life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
