it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and she was petting her beer can
you didnt know i had herpes?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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