ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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