There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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