ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How external is "for external use only"?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
