You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
