your parents love me but you hate me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
