i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
