Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
