My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
