An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
