Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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