I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
