Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't notice because vodka
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
