Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
