Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
