apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
