Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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