I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
