ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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