We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
