omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
