drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
