he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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