ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
