I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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