a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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