i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
