You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
