I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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