If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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