Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
