As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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