Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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