i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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