am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
