Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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