Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
