Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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