watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
