Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize