you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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