My hand turned me down
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
