Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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