can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
