I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
