what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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