dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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