I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
