the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
