how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
