His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
