chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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