i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
