My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
