i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
