I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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