apparently the secret to your success is patron
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
