He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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