Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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