She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
