I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
