Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
