why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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