I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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